I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
