He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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