peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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