The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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