Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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