Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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