Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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