So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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