found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
