My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
