Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
