Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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