I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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