All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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