It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
