my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
