Got a toothbrush?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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