Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
