I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
