I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
