can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
