awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
