dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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