I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
