don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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