Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just google imaged poop.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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