I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
