hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
