I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
