carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Your cock deserves a montage
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
