Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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