I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
