But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
