he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
