ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
