True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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