you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
