I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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