so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
