Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize