I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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