I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
