the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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