dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
