Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
