I just pynch a tree in the face
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
