The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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