dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
