we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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