so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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