I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
