We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
