I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
