I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
