There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
