I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
