I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
