wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
