I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
