first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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