i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Watching her eat just hurts me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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