she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
