Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you pee in the oven last night??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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