Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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