why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
