i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
