My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
